2028 PHILIPPINE PRESIDENT SPEAKS AGAIN – PART 1


“I prefer a country run like hell by Filipinos
to a country run like heaven by Americans.”

Manuel L Quezon, 1878-1941

As most pinoy cab drivers, barbers, market vendors, illegal loggers and shabu manufacturers, I too have grand dreams for my country. I wish it to be free of debt, corruption, flooding, traffic, poverty, abuse, a church that meddles with state affairs and all sorts of evils (except for prostitution).

Since I AM The 2028 Philippine President, I have been making plans for my administration focusing on all the problems mentioned:

Solving Debt
Not everybody will like this but I, as president will have to make the tough decision.. so to free my country from debt I would like to announce that, under my administration, I shall put Mindanao on sale! My reason for doing this is three-fold:

  1. everybody wants to leave the country anyway, why not send them only 40 minutes away.
  2. under my plan, all Mindanao residents will gain dual citizenship. That means they remain to be Filipino while enjoying the benefits that Americans have. That is, for most part, the coolness of being called an American.
  3. because of the first two reasons, I predict that everyone will migrate to Mindanao within months and will thus solve another problem – the over-population of Manila. (which will greatly reduce traffic, pollution and crimes)

Solving Corruption
Below is the path I will take to solve corruption in the Philippines.

  1. Under my administration I will make it law to have only two parties – Liberal and Conservative. That or be an independent candidate, which by then will be a stupid idea.
  2. If I predict this right, the Liberal (Yagbols) and Conservative parties will hold an annual primary (election within parties, usually held on the same day). As these two primaries are of utmost importance, there is reason to believe that all politicians from the country will be taking part. And having all these corrupt bastards in one place is too tempting not to bomb.
  3. After I’ve massacred them all, there shall be no hindrance in transferring the country onto a parliamentary. The laws will then be revised to suit this “New Order.” That meant eradicating pork barrel, immediate housing for the poor, a faster judicial system, and death penalty for incomplete porn.

Flooding, traffic and poverty will be easily dealt with from all the money America will be giving us in their purchase of Mindanao. In addition, I am certain that America wont hesitate to buy it because they’ve always wanted Asian presence in case they invade North Korea.

Solving Church interference
Under my administration I will ban spiritual advisers. Think about it, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo’s spiritual advisers are from El Shaddai and Iglesia ni Cristo, and you never see her at church. That’s blasphemy! If any type of church want to express views about running the country, they may request for a dialogue with the government which will, at all cost, be private. Or they can just blog about it.

Other sort of evils
Smoking and drinking will be banned in all public places. Taxes of these products will be increased 300% along with softdrinks and coffee. Vics and rugby will also be heavily taxed as to prevent the masses from consuming too much. Jueteng will be legalized. Anyone involved in Shabu and Marijuana will be killed (by Alfredo Lim and his bandits). Cueshe will be banned in all administrative gatherings.

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY

20 thoughts on “2028 PHILIPPINE PRESIDENT SPEAKS AGAIN – PART 1

  1. Hahaha, eto ang the best sa iyong plataporma:

    Cueshe shall be banned in all administrative gatherings.

    Hahaha! Pag tumakbo kang presidente, gagawan kitang campaign poster. 😀

    Isang mapagpalayang Araw ng Kalayaan sa iyo! 😀

  2. anong is my name.. not anonymous…

    “I prefer a country run like hell by Filipinos
    to a country run like heaven by Americans.” -M.L.Quezon & You

    Well I’d prefer this country run by caring foreigners who can REALLY HELP and SEE the NEEDS of the Filipino people.. to a country run by CORRUPT FILIPINOS who only think of their own interests. hELL!

    They’d say.. ‘Help the Government. Start with your selves.’ WTF???

    Lagi na lang pinapasa sa mga tao.
    While anSarap ng Buhay ng mga Wal%&^ng Hi&^%%ng mga pinuno natin..

    Eh ang mga mamamayan kaya?..
    Ok. Fine. tiis na lang..

    hanggang kelan?.. 🙂 Lolo/lola kna.. Mamamatay kna.. Ganito pa rin ang Govenment. Dakilang Palpaks!
    Do you *really* think they *really care*?…

    Ok. Sacrifice ourselves at mga families natin… Para sa happiness ng mga corrupt na politicians… Goodness gracious great balls of stupidity!

    haay.. nkakapagod na din po kasi.

    I am still hopeful though. pero di pwedeng hanggang hope lang tayo. ryt?..

    HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF
    *BECAUSE*
    WE
    N-E-V-E-R
    LEARN FROM HISTORY.

    WHEN WE EVER LEARN?… Philippines…
    A Century Hence.. ‘ika nga ni Jose Rizal.

    *sigh*

    cge balik muna ako d2 hanap quotes. 🙂

    Have a nice day! God bless us all!

    Mabuhay ang taong Filipino! Mamatay ang mga corrupt! 😀 Really.

    -Gene

  3. I think they prefer na bilhin ang S. Korea instead of Mindanao… Atsaka may naval bases sila sa Japan and S. Korea kaya di na rin nila kailangaqn ang Mindanao kasi mas malapit sila dun! Grabe naman kasi magpakitang gilas ang N. Korea, wala daw silang nuclear misslies tapos biglang sumulpot ang balitang binomba ang moon! Grabe talaga! Actually leaders from Mindanao are planning to leave the Philippines… Kasi, mas maraming provinces dito na tila napapabayaan ng government… At isa pa, sobra ka naman na i-ban ang smoking sa public places, ok lang sana kung restricted lang na places gaya dito sa Davao…

  4. ooo… is this a propaganda post or what 😛

    and you’re such a good president ler, imposing death penalty on incomplete porn XD

  5. What?! You?! President on 2028?! But I was supposed to run… I’ll make you sorry you ever wanted to be president Mr. Mendoza!!!

    What!?! Coffee, Drinking, 300% Tax?! COME ON!!!

    I vow to make you suffer Mr. Mendoza! Mark my words!!!

    Happy Independence day!

  6. a country run like hell… I always thought this was one of the stupider quotes na laging rinerepeat. Well, a lot of people showed their preferences by migrating out of the country.

    Anyweiz, I look forward to the day you ban Cueshe. Samahan mo na rin ng April Boy at Ocho-Ocho/ Gasolina/ all those other annoying novelty songs. Hahaha.

  7. I demand, there should be a bidding when it comes to selling Mindanao. Who knows, the chinese might have a better offer – – They will give us Taiwan for a trade-off Wahahahaha!!

  8. Plan number one (Solving Debt) I think is absolutely BRILLIANT!

    You’ll win by a landslide! =P

    Btw, meron ka ng sariling domain ha. Asteeg! =)

  9. Just blog hopping.

    I think it’s too late to sell Mindanao. Al-Qaeda already owns most of it. You can always sell the Visayas though. The Cebuanos would probably rally to get you into office if they can become American Citizens.

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