If I were to assess my psychological imbalance, I’d take it that I was smart. Growing up, people always saw me as this bright kid. That remained to be, for most of my childhood, the only complement for Paolo. This led me to expect highly of myself as not to destroy my “nido kid” image. But then, the other half of myself wanted to be called HOT instead. And that’s where we have a problem.
Other than for a handful lucky bastards, smart never went well with Hot.. like chiz whiz to a watermelon. One of my life-quotes is that you cant have everything – Einstein was smart; he looked like a dork, Paris Hilton got everything; she became stupid, Oprah got a great career; she didn’t have a kid, Princess D was perfect; she died young – everyone belongs to an analogy.
So I took it that, because I was smart, I could never be hot. And then I realized that, because I was smart, there was no way that I would ever be famous, rich, powerful and artistic as well. This scared the hell out of me and led me to scour the corners of my mind for a possible solution, which came within 1/10ths of a second.
The art of NOT BEING SMART involves tons of guts. First, you have to confess to being stupid. Then you have to begin a series of exercises that will confirm your stupidity.. that includes stepping on bubble gum and pushing doors that said pull.
In the beginning the taste of stupidity was awesome. People who used to be threatened of me started becoming my friends. I was laughed at alot more. I was bullied alot more. I was mocked alot more. But that was ok, because I knew at the back of my mind that I was acting.
But over time, my stupidity seemed to attract a more negative force – BAD LUCK. I realized this when my dates started to become whoriffic. I was aslo bitten by a shih tzu, kicked out of a bar for no reason, and my LBM’s increased (specially during long drives). And while you might contend that these things happen in everyday life, I’m quite certain it did not happen to you.
My friends even have a term for it, “A PAOLO MOMENT!”
So taking all of this (still in stride) I therefore conclude that I will never be HOT, that I will never be rich, famous, powerful and artistic, that I will be a loser for the rest of my life, and that bad luck will continue to chase me. But all of that is ok.. because I am smart!
There is something ironic about this post. Can you tell? haha. I will appreciate more analogies…