Second Year Highschool. A classmate of the high-society whose parents own a chain of conio restaurants asks me “Paolo, may ballpen ka?” Luckily I always carry extra pens with me so I give him one. Though instead of thanking me, he disgustingly gave back the pen and replied “Ano ‘to, kilometriko? Wala ka bang Pilot?”

I respond, “wala! mahal yun eh!”

“ay jologs” he mutters.

“ay kupal” i mutter too.

“ano sabi mo?!” he asks with a bullying tone.

“sabi ko kopya! gusto mo bang kumopya?!” I answer.

It is not hard to spot elitists, they abound in every corner of the Philippines. For the sake of perspective however, let me still define it to you: elitists are those who rant about how other people act so proletariat. A person who believes himself to rank highly in the caste, and displays this self-belief by mocking those who he thinks is lower than him. Hence, elitism is a form of social discrimination.The story above is a prime example. But how much of this trait rests in us?

Paolo’s Hierarchy of Elitism
which one are you?

Jolog Elitists
The jolog elitist is still in the initial stages of elitism; he therefore acts poorly with it. For some weird reason – an MLM scam, winning a game show, winning the jueteng jackpot or the lottery – he instantly became rich and he feels the need to brag. He spreads his cash and goes around fanning it to himself. On certain occasions he may opt to slap someone with it. Inside he feels as if he had broken from the clutches of poverty and never will he return to it. He decides to do what is most prevalent of the rich – despise the poor.

However his lack of social pedigree threatens the very nature of his power. The Jolog Elitist is not a good courtier and he makes more enemies than friends. A means to an end, for as the Jolog Elitist cultivates envy among his peers so too does he spell his death. Pretty soon, if he is not killed by a neighbor, an in-law, or a drinking buddy, he will still have used up all his money giving gin-pomelo parties and buying song hits with his new BFF, Mila.

Pseudo-Conio/Conio Elitists
The middle class work hard for their money, it is their only excuse for acting rich. And why not? You yourself wouldn’t act impoverished if you were entitled to liquidity. Therefore the pseudo-conio elitist tries too hard to be as much a courtier of the rich as they are themselves, sometimes to the point of over acting.

As work is the pseudo-conio elitist’s excuse, it too is his weapon towards reaching the higher caste. He learns to multi-task, a trait he read from “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” …a book every yuppie has read. He drowns himself in grammar and tries to pronounce every english word correctly but he does not care about difference between the tagalog words’ “ng” and “nang.” After all, the rich does not care for that sort of stuff. He gives friendster testimonials flooded with the words “uber” and “epitomy;” little does he know he was using the previous wrongly and that the latter was mispelled.

He concerns himself with traffic and how beggars abound the city streets. This when he opts to knock at his car window when the beggar nears it dismissing the fact that they need help for the hypothesis that they are part of a syndicate. Among the other things he is concerned about is how flooded it is, or how stupid filipino movies are – all without dwelling into a possible solution. The pseudo-conio/conio elitist is a rant machine.

Iho de Putas
The iho de puta is born of luxury; he was blessed with already rich parents. He was raised by a yaya, went to a good school, made friends with future politicians, and gets the best seats in parties and strip clubs. The Iho de Puta is shun from all forms of poverty even as it sets outside the village walls. His parents have made arrangements for him not to be in the presence of the lower class. If there was no driver, there was a school bus. If there was no school bus, his yaya would call a taxi. If there was no taxi, his yaya will have to wait.

It is the Iho de Putas’ seclusion from poverty that keeps him protected, but it is also what makes him vulnerable. Did you ever meet the guy who managed the basketball varsity? He is rich, but he does not know how to play. Life has it going for him until he is out of his parents’ shadow. That’s when he gets fucked up.

Glamorous, fashionable, diva-esque, trendy, sophisticated – these are the words used to describe the Imeldific. And while I consider her more to be Monarchy, I shall use this word to describe those who seem to sleep on their money. The Imeldific are those who have something to brag about …and they do. Their arms are filled with gold, their faces lit with botox, their cars are pimped, they walk with a huge handbag. The Imeldific owns his time and space; he controls it …like Hiro Nakamura but with less smiling.

The Imeldific sees himself as an example of greatness, which he often implies towards people. He shall be addressed with respect even if he opts to call me “boy” “hoy” “uy” “manong” and “pogi.” He sees himself as a leader even if the only thing he’s done prior is movies. He creates philosophies of how man should live and demands for you to listen, for he has put himself at the center. He is a facade.

The supreme form of elitists; demi-gods of the conio world. The Monarch has reached what most of us could only dream of and is seen as an example of class and elegance. They promote themselves not by bragging about their fortune. They’re done with that.. they see wealth from a spiritual perspective. They do not concern themselves with the poor; they have enough money to last a lifetime.

And while they lurk high up in their cloud of gold, those of us who are so far below blame them for our misery …as if all of them cheated their way to the top. It’d be up to them to prove us wrong. Why does the rich always have to prove themselves to the poor? Why not the other way around?


  1. ey…. bat wala si umbridge sa pic?? sabi nila pwede pa yun pang compare din ah… bilisan na ang entry… me want! me want! πŸ˜€

  2. It’s a crystal-clear fact that greedy motherfuckers are living on Philippine soil. They range from douche bags to the real elite bitches.

    I know they could bitch around people [especially those who are not as wealthy as they are] as they please, but I think they should reflect even just once in a while if they doing something beneficial for the country. They don’t have to rant this and rant that while they’re not doing their damn part. As if their fortune is everlasting.

    But hey. Some of them may let the others to strive harder. They could be called, uh… “Obnoxious motivators”? Oh well. Without them, life would be boring.

    And what else? Oh yeah… Let’s just say that we should not mind them and do whatever we want to help our country from economic despair. If they won’t do their part, then a gigantic shame on them.

    Amputaness. Am I making sense at all?

  3. yep! the satire was entirely about that – people dont need to act rich when they’re not!

    yay! my first reader got it.. hope everybody else does. it can get a little limbo when it’s a long post! sori.

  4. What I find more annoying are the bloody social climbers. Those people who go to Starbucks not to drink coffee, but just to make themselves look cool (I’m not generalizing. Pero ang matamaan, huwag magagalit. Hehe). All this while sporting an iPod and bobbing their heads up and down to the music of Cueshe.

    It’s amazing how people started being coffee freaks(?) when Starbucks went into the scene.

    In our LTS (Literary Training Service), we were asked to tutor children living in a squatter’s area in QC. All of us rode jeepneys on our way to the site except for this “Iho de Puta.”

    He went into the squatter’s area in a van complete with a yaya and driver! The yaya followed him wherever he went while holding extra clothes for his alaga! The iho de puta even asks his yaya to wipe off his sweat. The worst part–he’s a boy.

    I thought that it was such a slap on the face for the people living in the site.

    PS: Great article. Nice work.

  5. Daym if i was rich i’d be classified under “pseudo conio”. hehe

    Anyway, the jolog elitists are the most annoying/pathetic of all. I always feel sorry for people who brag about their income

  6. I am neither one. Although I admit I am somewhat of an Iho de Puta ONLY the humble version. I’ve always been exposed to the lighter side of life but my parents have always taught me to look back on my roots, where they came from, not be arrogant, and mingle with the poor, feet on the ground.

    I hate pretentious little mofos who act like their rich but aren’t. Social Climber: the worst.

  7. Can I pick one to portray? I think the easiest to act out would be the Monarchs. Just act like you’re so snobbish and don’t ever care for anything ever.

    Wait, regarding Juice’s comment, aren’t Social Climbers just an indirect reference to Elitism?

  8. I’m more of an iho de puta and the conio elitist. I’ve only been exposed to hardships when I stepped into college. There, I learned to ride the jeepney (God help me), tricycle, LRT and pedicab. I’m also part conio elitist because I love ranting, especially when it comes to jeepneys. However, I’m don’t speak ‘conio talk’ at all.

    However, I do know where I stand in life. I go to Starbucks to drink coffee, but I don’t flaunt it around. I don’t even see Starbucks as something to be glorified. It’s just a coffee shop for Christ’s sake.

    What I do hate are people who pretend. They pretend to be rich when in fact, they’re not. Why can’t we be humble and accept our stations in life? Social climbers are retards in a way. Sad, but true.

    It all comes down to one thing: PAKIKISAMA. Whether you’re rich or poor, you can always get along with people of different economic status when you’ve learned this skill.

  9. @skye
    i agree. i’ve met rich people who were the nicest souls on earth. i’ve also met poor people who are well-bred.

  10. great post!

    truth be told, i was just going to ignore the woman (because of the same reasons you had here in your post) but your teaser picture of her and miss piggy was just too hard not to react to hahaha.


    re being an elitist — i grew up in a middle-class environment but i can only relate to the “conio elitists” in the filipino movie-bashing part (admit it, pinoy movies aren’t exactly the type that makes you want for more).

    i would hate to be called conio because it reminds me of those people who, when riding the public transport will say “pahwah manong” instead of “paRA manong” at his or her stop. i don’t know when exactly pronouncing a word the wrong way became trendy but it’s downright irritating, hearing people with fake speech defects. (i’m not saying that all people who can’t say the letter “r” are annoying, just those who are pretending because they think it’s cool).

    see. i’m ranting — typical middle-class upbringing? lol. =P

  11. Your hierarchy is on point.

    We do away with the financial aspect from your article and we’ll bem left with a the “hierarchy of assholes.”

    It just gets more annoying if rich people are asshats. For example, imagine a corporate setup. Those who are rich, major slackers, popular, who fail miserably at establishing colleague relationships but still manage to get things done are stabbed by more knives from the back as compared to those in the middle class with the same demerits. Why? Human nature, perhaps? The felling of major resentment just gets amplified because wealth attracts to itself and its vessel more attention than normally warranted. The bigger they are, the longer the “Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh” before the “BLAG” and we look forward to it.

    I have long proven to myself that not all rich people are assholes but that may just be me.

    Diversity is a curious thing, as are opinions.

    Nice article, Paolo. A meaty but light read.

  12. Ass him to shove the pen up his ass if he’s not gonna use it. So what if it’s kilometrico? (Ok I hope I got that right and not the other way round)

    And oh yea, jolog elitists can shove pens up their ass too. I pity them though.

  13. Sorry for the deleted comment.

    Anyway, I can be considered as a conio. Working in a call center molded me into becoming one of them. LOL!

  14. hi! i just dropped by. naloka ako dun sa kilometrico ballpen. eh kung sobrang yaman niya, bakit hindi siya makabili ng sarili niyang ballpen? sus!

    i think i may be a cross between the iho de puta and the middle class. when i was a kid, as in iho de puta ito! i never had to work for anything but when our family business went bankrupt during my teens, naghirap talaga kami so kailangan kong matutong magtipid. i guess that was ok with me because i learned to relate with other people.

    ..kaso na-over yata ako sa pagtitipid. ngayon, saksakan na ako ng kuripot. haha!

    this entry is nicely written. keep on blogging, paolo! πŸ™‚

  15. Hmm.. I think I’m an elitist. Hahaha. The truth is, the real elitists are the poor who looks down on themselves.

    They want it for themselves. They chose to be poor and call the rich, the rich.

    I know people who are rich, they do not act like conio nor discriminate the poor. Yung mga walang breeding lang ang ganun.

  16. Elitism is also a type of stereotyping. Sadly and not surprisingly it runs across the grain of any society. Essentially, there is bigot in all parts of humanity and there is a bit bigotry in all of us.

  17. Good post.

    I believe all of us are guilty of some form of “elitism”. That’s why I especially disagree with some people shouting “down with elitism!” and others like it. What is so wrong with it anyway?

  18. I always try to be humble all the time. I know that we are not rich. However, there are times that I still purchase stuff that is expensive even if there is a cheaper alternative. Through that, I sometimes fall in the category Pseudo-Conio/Conio Elitists. It’s a bad attitude wherein my environment teaches me to be…

  19. On very rare occasions, pseudo conio would be the nearest class i could classify in …

    Bad pinoy movies? … God knows i did my best to turn the worse ideas to better and creative ones. But you just can’t take the show to “that” direction when higher elitists are at work on the same film πŸ˜› Hey, at least I can’t be accused of doing nothing.

  20. it’s more about the politics and ego that goes with power. acting like elitists just makes it worse.

    i use to do special effects for shows/film. aside from dealing with the boss’s “making papel”, you also have to suck up to clients and so called creatives (client’s posses) wanting to have a spot in the project … something they can boast/call their “input”.

    Anyway, you get to suggest things at some point but the baduy-ness always wins out. Elitists in terms of manners, how i wish in taste as well!

    Hey, who ever has the gold has the power … isn’t that always the case … i hate it.

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