BASTARDIZATION AND THE BESTMAN

As it is the time in my life when people get married, the role of Best Man has approached me but twice ..and I’ve managed to bring myself 10 years of karma by declining both of them. Psychoanalysis below:

I am not credible for the role
I dont take the word “best” lightly. I sure would’ve become Best Man if you were my best friend but certainly not for the fact that your first choice is in the Philippines and could not come so you decided to find someone who can perk up the crowd by saying the sort of thing you find in friendster testimonials.

Do you really expect me to say something nice?
Lest you haven’t noticed, I don’t have a problem saying anything. I also have a knack at being memorable and you don’t really get to that part by saying the same slambook-type messages (“dont change,” “I’m always here for you,” favorite color: “babyblue”) . At best, the only way for you to keep me from spewing weird stuff about you is if you were not my friend at all.

I’ve practiced, didn’t work!
Yes! I stood in the middle of my room, held a wine glass in my hand, wrote down a speech, and practiced. No less than my third try did I find it corny, cheap and awkward. Why would a guy make a speech about another guy anyway? There are just some things in life that aren’t meant for me.

I didn’t go to the prom so I could pocket the P5000 fee.
Even anti-socials have social responsibilities, but most of it is really unproductive. There are about a million people that love me; there are only 30 people that I love back. I am big on productivity like this – it’s the reason why I dont drink, smoke, do drugs and gamble. It’s also the reason why I’m not a fan of social gatherings, especially the conio-lets-drink-while-comparing-money types; I find sleep to be more rewarding.

I have a fear of commitment
Perhaps the biggest reason why I don’t fit the role is because I’m not exactly the type of person who would commit. And you expect me to say something good about lifelong commitments?! I’ve been proven to have what it takes to someday be that old guy living in the haunted house with a cat. Now, how is that more pathetic than walking the aisles of matrimony? If only to be married, I …for one …choose death!

Do you really want me to be your best man?

The problem with being Best Man is that
you never get a chance to prove it.

12 thoughts on “BASTARDIZATION AND THE BESTMAN

  1. I wonder who will you get as best man pag ikaw na mag marry. =)

    P.S. Can’t seem to find your Filipina entry. Please advise. =(

  2. paolo: “The problem with being Best Man is that you never get a chance to prove it.”

    — now that’s a man who looked into his heart, and found the truth. (and maybe cried in a corner a little) LOLOLs. =P

  3. the amazing part here is that somebody (or two) actually wanted you for best man??? they must be drunk when they asked you pare… LOL! i loved the part where you’re supposed to say something nice. duh! hahahah!

    hmmm… i shall wait till you too gets married. then you’ll eat your own words. OR NOT. ROFL!

  4. Hey, Philo, you’re not being asked to get married, only to bestfriend the bridegroom.

    Aaah, you don’t take these things unlightly. You’re not really a B. 🙂

    I think you would be great at toasting and roasting with that acidic wit.

  5. @annamanila
    Thanks for dropping by ..and yes, I’m not really a bastard! (but that’s our little secret) 😛

  6. when the scenario of me getting tied into marriage pops into my idle mind, it gives me this nervous feeling.

    i can’t blame myself ‘coz, i was never been married before. and i’m not used to it. 😛

  7. That’s why I hate being invited to be one of the 18 toasts in debuts.

    I can’t think of anything nice to say as well.

    The last time I made a toast was a disaster.

  8. i haven’t been asked to be someone’s best man but was asked to be a ninong many many times and i feel almost the same.

    or you can just accept the offer and dazzle the crowd with BS.

  9. Hi Pao. I noticed the blog you referred to was different from the last one. I can use that instead though. Just add the link to the Filipina writing project. Thanks!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *