As it is the time in my life when people get married, the role of Best Man has approached me but twice ..and I’ve managed to bring myself 10 years of karma by declining both of them. Psychoanalysis below:
I am not credible for the role
I dont take the word “best” lightly. I sure would’ve become Best Man if you were my best friend but certainly not for the fact that your first choice is in the Philippines and could not come so you decided to find someone who can perk up the crowd by saying the sort of thing you find in friendster testimonials.
Do you really expect me to say something nice?
Lest you haven’t noticed, I don’t have a problem saying anything. I also have a knack at being memorable and you don’t really get to that part by saying the same slambook-type messages (“dont change,” “I’m always here for you,” favorite color: “babyblue”) . At best, the only way for you to keep me from spewing weird stuff about you is if you were not my friend at all.
I’ve practiced, didn’t work!
Yes! I stood in the middle of my room, held a wine glass in my hand, wrote down a speech, and practiced. No less than my third try did I find it corny, cheap and awkward. Why would a guy make a speech about another guy anyway? There are just some things in life that aren’t meant for me.
I didn’t go to the prom so I could pocket the P5000 fee.
Even anti-socials have social responsibilities, but most of it is really unproductive. There are about a million people that love me; there are only 30 people that I love back. I am big on productivity like this – it’s the reason why I dont drink, smoke, do drugs and gamble. It’s also the reason why I’m not a fan of social gatherings, especially the conio-lets-drink-while-comparing-money types; I find sleep to be more rewarding.
I have a fear of commitment
Perhaps the biggest reason why I don’t fit the role is because I’m not exactly the type of person who would commit. And you expect me to say something good about lifelong commitments?! I’ve been proven to have what it takes to someday be that old guy living in the haunted house with a cat. Now, how is that more pathetic than walking the aisles of matrimony? If only to be married, I …for one …choose death!
Do you really want me to be your best man?
you never get a chance to prove it.