Showing posts with label reflection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflection. Show all posts
Each night seems to be the longest night of my life not because I am always staying up late at night reading lectures of my professors or doing assignments or finishing a machine problem but because of feeling tired and toxic. Unlike any other day that I had, this feeling inside me keeps on growing each day. Feeling homesick might contribute to this feeling. My not so good work management on things I have to finish might tired me to death. Too much commitment might intoxicate me to feel this way.
Now I am walking along the dark side of the tunnel. No lights, no ends. Trusting the rebel in me in leading the way.
I told myself that I was strong but I was wrong. I thought that I was superman who can do everything but my alter-ego so powerful to weaken me as human being only.
I realized that not all things in life are meant to be. Life is meant to be.
I realized that not everything is a piece of cake, sometimes the cake can't be sliced to pieces.
I realized all of these but still I am stubborn to believe it. The rebel in me always wanted to fight back.
I guess I just have to continue to live my life the way I survive it. Maybe I am just tired.
Should I live this way? Do I need guidance to give me direction?
Now I am walking along the dark side of the tunnel. No lights, no ends. Trusting the rebel in me in leading the way.
Hey, guys! I’m back.
The soon-to-be SSEAYP experience was dropped. I had withdrawn the ticket that entitles me to cruise with the Nippon ship for two months to all south East Asian countries. It was a tough decision that I made. I was only given 30 minutes to decide to where I’ll attend – TOSP formation or SSEAYP Pre-departure training which were scheduled on the same dates.
Thirty minutes that time seems to be a reflective moment for me, discerning what is best and what my heart is beating. I was holding on the phone talking to two parties, trying to arrange my schedules but it seems that both were not negotiable.
I’ve solicited wise opinions and suggestions from some emphatic people in the formation, some of them were delegates of SSEAYP the past years. It was heart-breaking and distressing to choose between the two opportunities at hand that is too luxurious and rare but need only to select one, need to weigh the best and go for it without regrets.
In those thirty minutes of discernment, I finally decided to withdraw my slot for representing the youth in that program. It was difficult but was content because it tested my sense of judgment.
I want to thank those who helped me to decide on this matter. Quincy John Tampo, a friend, was right when he sent me this message.
Yep, pare! I’m happy that I made that decision with no qualms in my heart.
And unexpectedly, on the day of awarding of the TOSP, a 03:13am text message from an alumnus of SSEAYP who happened to visit my blog and read my post, how to be insomniac… was sent to me.
The text reads,
I just smiled and thank God for I feel no regrets.
The soon-to-be SSEAYP experience was dropped. I had withdrawn the ticket that entitles me to cruise with the Nippon ship for two months to all south East Asian countries. It was a tough decision that I made. I was only given 30 minutes to decide to where I’ll attend – TOSP formation or SSEAYP Pre-departure training which were scheduled on the same dates.
Thirty minutes that time seems to be a reflective moment for me, discerning what is best and what my heart is beating. I was holding on the phone talking to two parties, trying to arrange my schedules but it seems that both were not negotiable.
I’ve solicited wise opinions and suggestions from some emphatic people in the formation, some of them were delegates of SSEAYP the past years. It was heart-breaking and distressing to choose between the two opportunities at hand that is too luxurious and rare but need only to select one, need to weigh the best and go for it without regrets.
In those thirty minutes of discernment, I finally decided to withdraw my slot for representing the youth in that program. It was difficult but was content because it tested my sense of judgment.
I want to thank those who helped me to decide on this matter. Quincy John Tampo, a friend, was right when he sent me this message.
That’s what I call LUXURIOUS PREDICAMENT!
Pray for it pare.
As what the text message you sent me says,
Life has great options, but you don't always have to pick what seems to be the best. Sometimes, the best and the perfect aren't always what make you happy.Who knows, after those TOSP activities and your graduate studies you can hop over the whole world and not just Southeast Asian countries.
Isn’t it?
Yep, pare! I’m happy that I made that decision with no qualms in my heart.
And unexpectedly, on the day of awarding of the TOSP, a 03:13am text message from an alumnus of SSEAYP who happened to visit my blog and read my post, how to be insomniac… was sent to me.
The text reads,
Hey, Aethen!
Are you attending the SSEAYP Pre-departure training in tagaytay? I hope so. I’m Alden of the 34th batch. Just read your blog now. Congratulations on your selection. Dude, you may not understand this just yet but please, oh please, choose SSEAYP over anything else! You’ll thank me for this unsolicited advice when you come back. 3:13 17-July-2008
I just smiled and thank God for I feel no regrets.
the doubling of rice prices spark concernsOne of the world's largest rice importers, the Philippines, is on a problem that is being described as ‘rice price crisis’ but I believe that this is experienced worldwide.
Yesterday I was saddened of the doubling of the rice price here in South Cotabato, where in a fact that our province is named as the rice granary of the country, where in the production of rice is very abundant and enough. I believe we don't have a food crisis but, rather, a rice price crisis.
We sell rice in our store in the subdivision and in my free time I help in playing as tindero in our store. Lately, I observed that mostly of our neighbor in the subdivision or even outside the subdivision purchase rice in our store and I always hear them complaining about how the rice price increase everyday but they were thankful because our store is selling good quality rice at and keeping a break-even price. My parents who run the store were not considering the profit they will get in this business as long as rice is available in a reachable price in our subdivision. You might say that this is unintelligent and stupid thing to do nowadays but mind you my parents were happy doing this.
I hope the prices would firm up to current levels and would not further increase within the period because there are many poor families out there who cannot eat anymore. I pray also that the government will be looking for more innovative solutions in the country--how to address not only the issue of supply but also the issue of prices.
Latest in the news, reports that, the government encourages Filipino farmers to produce more because it pays to produce food. Is this an indirect way to blame the farmers for the current rice situation? I guess there is no way that our farmers should be blamed for the current rice situation because the production is sufficient. One farmer here in the province told us that when they have their harvest, NFA would release stock of rice in the marker and in effect farmers would sell their rice at a low price but when there is no harvest, rice authority declares that rice is scarce. I would then wonder if it is scarce or stored.
But in a press briefing last week, Agriculture Secretary Arthur Yap ticked off five critical reasons behind the current rice situation that our country is experiencing:
- A supply largely affected by an increased demand resulting from rising population.
- Climate change.
- Booming demand for biofuels.
- Continuous conversion of agricultural lands to non-agriculture use.
- Neglect of irrigation facilities.
And,” but there are solutions, and we can move forward from where we are today," he said.
Hope that this will be solved as soon because price of rice is hitting consumer pockets and stomachs.
Everything's movin' so fast. I dunno. My clock maybe just turns so fast or maybe i just don't value time. Irresponsible.
Now, I'm having troubles with managing my time. Maybe, it's my fault that I kept on accepting responsibilities, thinking I would be able to spend time for them. But, here I am, missing a lot of things. Maybe, it's time to say 'No' to some of it, not because i have too much of it.
Now, that the final examination is next week, stress never left me. I was burned-out and stressed. I am getting headaches and headaches.
And also, Mark, manage your emotions. It would make you feel better and mature.
cheer up!
God bless everyone!
Does life starts at 30? Or 40? It feels like I am in this stage now. The day I turned twenty and the days after it feels like I am on my own life now. Independent. I feel the demands and the burden that life offers. The burden is getting heavier and more loads will still be carried as I continue my journey in life. I hope that this seniority I am experiencing now will be a worthwhile learning that will somehow help me grow.
Independence in nature is a strong factor to me. Though I was brought up to be independent, I still tend to be dependent on the things that cannot provide me a good direction.
Independence in nature is a strong factor to me. Though I was brought up to be independent, I still tend to be dependent on the things that cannot provide me a good direction.
Am I still afraid to face my failures? consequences? realities? or do I simply lack affirmation and acceptance?
A lot of "What If" is entering my mind right now. I have to resolve some miseries that I have started that concern my present situation. I have to learn and reflect on feedback and advices and be able to integrate it into my life.
I’ll answer these questions as soon as I find myself.
A lot of "What If" is entering my mind right now. I have to resolve some miseries that I have started that concern my present situation. I have to learn and reflect on feedback and advices and be able to integrate it into my life.
I’ll answer these questions as soon as I find myself.
While reading the blogs of Jackie and kidglove, I came to realize simple things that will make me a better person if I will learn to do it. Though I heard these advices and learning from ayel and my advisers many times, I think it’s high time for me to pay attention seriously on to it.
Learn to listen.
“Start by listening to yourself and pondering about what you are really trying to achieve. This, in itself, can be a startling revelation. Then think about what the other person is hearing, and the meaning they are deriving from what you say. Watch also the questions they are using -- are they pumping you for information that they will soon use to their advantage?
Learn to listen.
“Start by listening to yourself and pondering about what you are really trying to achieve. This, in itself, can be a startling revelation. Then think about what the other person is hearing, and the meaning they are deriving from what you say. Watch also the questions they are using -- are they pumping you for information that they will soon use to their advantage?
Learn to listen to others in a way that gets you the information that you need. Learn to ask questions that opens them up to providing useful data. Good listening will also create rapport and bonding, where the other person comes to like you more and hence becomes more open to your ideas when it is your turn to speak.” - thoughts from Jackie
Learn to trust.
Speaking about trust, the book, “Reaching Out” by David W. Johnson, has some helpful hints about trust which I have also observed in the interaction of the participants:
Learn to trust.
Speaking about trust, the book, “Reaching Out” by David W. Johnson, has some helpful hints about trust which I have also observed in the interaction of the participants:
- Trust is a very complex concept to understand. It may take a while before we fully understand it.
- Trust exists in relationships, not in someone’s personality. While some people are more naturally trusting than others, and it is easier for some people to be trustworthy than others, trust is something that occurs between people, not within people.
- Trust is constantly changing as two people interact. Everything you do affects the trust level between you and the other person to some extent
- Trust is hard to build and easy to destroy. It may take years to build up a high level of trust in a relationship, then one destructive act can ruin it all.
- The key to building and maintaining trust is being trustworthy. The more accepting and supportive you are of others, the more likely they will disclose their thoughts, ideas, theories, conclusions, feelings, and reactions to you. The more trustworthy you are in response to such disclosures, the deeper and more personal the thoughts of a person will share with you. When you want to increase trust, increase your trustworthiness.
- Trust needs to be appropriate. Never trusting and always trusting are inappropriate
- Cooperation increases trust, competition decreases trust. Trust generally is higher among collaborators than among competitors.
- Initial trusting and trustworthy actions within a relationship can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. The expectations you project about trust often influence the actions of other people toward you.
-kidglove learnings from Malapascua experience.
I’ll be working on it. Thanks for the insights. I’ll know learn to listen and trust other person who deserves it. God bless.
Does number determine loneliness?
I feel like alone whenever I am with my classmates. It is not because they hate me nor do they have something against me. It’s the feeling that I feel that they do not listen to me. I become true as I express myself to them deliberately too. Maybe I over shown them the real me and I have not anticipated what will it result to them. They resist my being me and keep on letting me feel that I done something wrong and that I disappoint them for what they expect me to be.
Feedbacks are always good. It will give you self-awareness so that you can guard your self. It will make also a sound relationship it you listen and open to it.
Friendship is really measured on the problems undergone and times you understood and helped each other. It was challenging for me to bring back the amity we have for almost four (4) years. I cannot let a little blot on our relationship ruin the bond we have had.
Though I have a number of friends around me, I still suffer the feeling of being alone. I want to fill the emptiness that made me feel this way. I only have few true friends that I can identify as True friends. Yes! Only few of them are real but I did feel alone with them. Expressly, it’s hard to give your self to others for friendship when they locked their hearts for it.
I will always be open for all of them. I will always understand them. I hope that they’ll be also. I’ll never reject our friendship; I’ll be always your friend.
It is good that this happen to my life. I appreciate relationships by experiencing the different taste of it. It will make you better and strong.
***
I attended my last acquaintance party in our college last Saturday. It really feels sad that it was my last. I won’t experience anymore the competitions between departments in the college during the celebration before acquaintance party. I won’t be kuya anymore to the lower years. I won’t experience the jamming moments with the college bands after the program. I won’t be bringing anymore extra packed foods at home. Hehe. I won’t feel the party atmosphere created by the students’ energy to any more.
I gonna miss all of these. Seniority really made me feel that I still want to enjoy life in college. I know I have to go on the process and attain my objectives.
But I am sure I’ll be experiencing more of it at a different way. :)
I feel like alone whenever I am with my classmates. It is not because they hate me nor do they have something against me. It’s the feeling that I feel that they do not listen to me. I become true as I express myself to them deliberately too. Maybe I over shown them the real me and I have not anticipated what will it result to them. They resist my being me and keep on letting me feel that I done something wrong and that I disappoint them for what they expect me to be.
Feedbacks are always good. It will give you self-awareness so that you can guard your self. It will make also a sound relationship it you listen and open to it.
Friendship is really measured on the problems undergone and times you understood and helped each other. It was challenging for me to bring back the amity we have for almost four (4) years. I cannot let a little blot on our relationship ruin the bond we have had.
Though I have a number of friends around me, I still suffer the feeling of being alone. I want to fill the emptiness that made me feel this way. I only have few true friends that I can identify as True friends. Yes! Only few of them are real but I did feel alone with them. Expressly, it’s hard to give your self to others for friendship when they locked their hearts for it.
I will always be open for all of them. I will always understand them. I hope that they’ll be also. I’ll never reject our friendship; I’ll be always your friend.
It is good that this happen to my life. I appreciate relationships by experiencing the different taste of it. It will make you better and strong.
***
I attended my last acquaintance party in our college last Saturday. It really feels sad that it was my last. I won’t experience anymore the competitions between departments in the college during the celebration before acquaintance party. I won’t be kuya anymore to the lower years. I won’t experience the jamming moments with the college bands after the program. I won’t be bringing anymore extra packed foods at home. Hehe. I won’t feel the party atmosphere created by the students’ energy to any more.
I gonna miss all of these. Seniority really made me feel that I still want to enjoy life in college. I know I have to go on the process and attain my objectives.
But I am sure I’ll be experiencing more of it at a different way. :)
Learn from this oil gesture painting.
It depicts Celebration. I greatly respond to it. I feel it. Celebrating.
I also experience an expansion of consciousness in the realms of sight, sensation, and emotion. I do not reflect. I do not consider. I do not judge. I am in the moment. I only respond. And the emotion in it is the same as what i am feeling now. Respond to it. You might feel the same mood.
Celebrate every day! Specially tomorrow. It's special.
More of it at www.annekaringlass.com.
I'll be changing the way I write my blog. Hopefully, I'd also change how it looks. For a change, I will change too. Well, in a much better way. For the better. For my growth.
I am not ready.
When?
I don’t know. Maybe if I am strong.
When?
Soon. Very soon.
I can make it but in the right time and situation.
I have been to changes these days. but i have not changed.
...dealing with things that seems the purpose or reason is not clear. I can’t understand but, I am too affected. It all show how weak I am. Very vulnerable to factors that will threaten the oversimplified thing I have made.
I always see situations so simple that you can live it easily and trouble-free.
I always hold-on to things I wanted. And make all the possibilities to have it.
I always thought that I know my self. but, not yet.
I always know that I understand everyting. some.
I always feel secure to him.
I always say that I am okay and happy. Yes, I am. but, sometimes it's not real.
I always make myself busy working with this stuffs that fulfills me. But, even without a purpose.
I always do.
blurred…
I always say that I would change and grow. but, there is not difference, no progress.
I hope I’ll always remember this in heart. work for it by heart. live it by heart.
I hate expectations. People expect a lot from me. I’m not that great you know, I’m no superman.
I am self-sufficient. I believe I can manage extra baggages that are heavy, I can’t carry it up.
Some said I am insecure. Hmmm…?! It left me thinking. Perhaps, I am. But, of course not. Such irony!
I’ll be senior then. I just have had enrolled myself for my last term. Damn, how I resent the burdens that will come along with seniority. God bless.
I want to control my life. But my life has its own life. How can I control it? [nevermind this]
I got 90 in my apprenticeship training as programmer at the MIS Department of MUTI. A man, who doesn’t work for best, doesn’t get best out of his work. This is my own realization on the grade I have had received. Our supervisor has this comment on my evaluation sheet that the office has submitted to the University;
He has a sense of leadership.
Has initiative on the nature of work.
Improve punctuality and time-management.
Yes, indeed, I have shown the first two observations in my training. I just really have this sickness of time, I have less control over it or simply I just want to be important. The remarks I have, truly reflects my performance in my training. I honestly admit that I failed to discipline myself when it comes to punctuality. But, what is still good about it is that, I learned [that I have to work for it] and try to be the time and on time. Another is that, I have maintained my requirement to be magna cum laude. Pray.
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