I was in Pathways office the whole morning this day. I stayed there just to wait for my classes in afternoon. My schedule every Tuesday and Thursday is so boring. All my subjects that were enrolled in these days were scheduled in the time slot 1:00pm-7:30pm. I can’t do anything about it; I am in a block section. What I did is that I went to the office just to kill time and talk to the staff and volunteers who are staying there also. I usually play games installed in the computer if not, I make kulet or have a little chitchat with them. Some times I just sleep in the TYG room if I feel like not in the mood. But most of the time, purposely stay there just to supervise and moderate the youth group if it is mobilized well. One thing also, I simply want to spend my time for service whenever they need it.

You might think that I don’t want to stay at home. You might suggest, why not stay at home in the morning and help do chores or why not rest and spent more time with your bed and prepare for the class in the afternoon.

I want to stay at home but I am more bored there and every time I leave the house I make sure I have had made my own assignments and tasks at home. I just simply want to spend more time in school, with my co-volunteers, with my peers, with the internet at the school, and with the feeling of being busy with things and stuffs in my organizations and clubs.

Is this my comfort zone? Hmm…? Maybe, not, I just enjoy having this stuff and routine.

***

This is unusual.

Ate Sandra, the Mindanao Pathways Project Officer for Educational Development, had shared her dream to me last night. We were at the office when she excitedly storied to me her dream about Cong. Arthur “Dodo” Y. Pingoy, the congressman for second district of South Cotabato.

She said that Dodo and she were having a small talk at the office. Is it about the CLP? , interrupting her. I thought that it is about the Computer Literacy Program of the Youth group, since Dodo is the major sponsor and partner of Pathways for that program. No, just listen, this is funny, she said. She continue her story, she tell me that in her dream Dodo had told her that Jesus Christ and him are bestfriends. Infact, they were always playing at the Alunan Avenue, the main road at the City, when they were still young. Dodo really wants to convince ate Sandra in her dream. He had also told ate Sandra that Jesus was from City of Koronadal and he was a true-blood Marbeleños. I laughed at it and almost cry hearing it from ate Sandra. Dodo told more about Jesus as our neighbor and his local friend who lived in our City. Her dream ends in promising that ate Sandra will not tell the secret of Congressman to anybody.

Does the dream want to tell something about Jesus Christ? Yes, I believe that Jesus is our friend, brother, and neighbor. Does this dream of Dodo have something to do with pathways? With ate Sandra? Is this a Good sign? Good omen?

I wish I will have a dream like that also. ;)

otherI got this from Ariel's Lonelyworld, which he says, he got it from Jehzlau Concepts, which, Jhez also got from Batang Yagit, which the latter, I've read, got from Culture Shiok, which, for sure, he copied from somewhere! This one increases your page rank in Google. Might as well try this to see if it works. wahahaha! (Translated from Jhez..haha)
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I have been to changes these days. but i have not changed.

...dealing with things that seems the purpose or reason is not clear. I can’t understand but, I am too affected. It all show how weak I am. Very vulnerable to factors that will threaten the oversimplified thing I have made.

I always see situations so simple that you can live it easily and trouble-free.

I always hold-on to things I wanted. And make all the possibilities to have it.

I always thought that I know my self. but, not yet.

I always know that I understand everyting. some.

I always feel secure to him.

I always say that I am okay and happy. Yes, I am. but, sometimes it's not real.

I always make myself busy working with this stuffs that fulfills me. But, even without a purpose.

I always do.

blurred…

I always say that I would change and grow. but, there is not difference, no progress.

I hope I’ll always remember this in heart. work for it by heart. live it by heart.

I hate expectations. People expect a lot from me. I’m not that great you know, I’m no superman.

I am self-sufficient. I believe I can manage extra baggages that are heavy, I can’t carry it up.

Some said I am insecure. Hmmm…?! It left me thinking. Perhaps, I am. But, of course not. Such irony!

I’ll be senior then. I just have had enrolled myself for my last term. Damn, how I resent the burdens that will come along with seniority. God bless.

I want to control my life. But my life has its own life. How can I control it? [nevermind this]

I could not express how deep I've been thinking these days.

I don't have any answers to all the questions I have in mind.

All that is left for me are memories of the previous. A memory that triggers my emotions to stop moving and start missing all the things.

I just can't help but realize that I've been missing a lot of what I am. I cannot live out on my own. I can't do anything at all and just forget all you have shown or accept the fate of my condition.

Is it true that I'm just afraid to accept reality as it is?
Please.